The readings today have always challenged me. Each reading has hit me differently with every season of life, most especially when I had my youngest child, was in the process of changing jobs, going through my divorce, and waiting for my final annulment decree. Along the way, I‘ve added to my many weaknesses: gossip, food, shoes, clothes, my weight, hair, my word choice, doing the right thing, not doing anything…the list goes on and not much seems to be subtracted.

Many times, I have been caught up in the judgment of others and even worse, how I perceive myself. I’ve struggled with surrendering these worries to God. Even when I KNOW that God loves me unconditionally. I sometimes forget this very basic truth. God loves me as I am, with all my imperfections. He loves me no matter what season of life or challenge I may be working through.

St. Paul tells us that he spoke to the Lord about his weaknesses. The Lord said to him, “‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.’ I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong” (2Cor 12:9-10).

Yet here I am again, forgetting that I am a beloved daughter of the Lord. All those worries and fears of rejection or failure still cloud my self-awareness. Being a member of the 21st century has many traps and paths to lead me astray and into doubt, away from His love. This is when I need to lean into His graces by going to Mass or confession more frequently. I can certainly spend a few moments during the day reading scripture to help me refocus my attention.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing….your heavenly Father knows that you need them all…Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.” Mt 6:25, 32, 34   

I can’t travel back to the past, but I can change how I react to each situation as I go forward in life with God’s help. I can use the way I feel about my past and the things I wish that I had reacted to differently to reshape how I react to the present. This week give it a try. Look back on your past and realize that you have been taken care of by your God. Jesus himself told us not to worry. Let the worries, complaining and judgments go and trust that your heavenly Father knows all that you need; tomorrow will take care of itself.

Erma Bombeck summed it up this way in a reflection titled, “If I Had My Life to Live Over,” saying:

If I had my life to live over again I would have waxed less and listened more.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy and complaining about the shadow over my feet, I’d have cherished every minute of it and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was to be my only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten popcorn in the “good” living room and worried less about the dirt when you lit the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have burnt the pink candle that was sculptured like a rose before it melted while being stored.

I would have sat cross-legged on the lawn with my children and never worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television … and more while watching real life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband which I took for granted.

I would have eaten less cottage cheese and more ice cream.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick, instead of pretending the Earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for a day.

I would never have bought ANYTHING just because it was practical/wouldn’t show soil/ guaranteed to last a lifetime.

When my child kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now, go get washed up for dinner.”

There would have been more I love you’s … more I’m sorry’s … more I’m listenings … but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it … look at it and really see it … try it on … live it … exhaust it … and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it.

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